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I've been thinking recently how weird it is trying to make art a profession.
Maybe 'weird' isn't the best word, but confusing and difficult...
It's something we do because we love it, it's a way of life really, so it's an odd feeling to try to turn it into a profession - some sort of a money-maker, a full-time 'job'.
I worry that doing so, with the build-up of stress associated with work and responsibility, would potentially dissipate the natural fulfilment I feel in making, purely making - for me.
I have experienced this before with my visual art - I have often stopped painting for periods of time because it became a task - in doing what people wanted and expected. It didn't feel natural, I felt frustration in trying to deliver a particular look, set a suitable price, create work that reflected what someone paid... And it takes time to re-centre and get back into really painting...
For this reason I had my hesitations in beginning a music course. I thought that studying music in depth; having a huge music-based workload, with assessments and deadlines, would somehow take the love away, the natural enjoyment.
[It's the same reason I was sceptical about doing a course in fine arts (not the only reason however) - I feel that art is too big-a-passion of mine to combine with study; too fundamental, too personal to be tutored in. Obviously there would be much to gain from it (I'm not putting down art courses) - for many it broadens their craft, refines skills, develops ideas and what not - but I don't make art to be 'good', or respected, I do it because it makes me feel good... I enjoy it... and I was afraid studying would taint that].
Contrary to what I thought may happen however, I've found that studying audio has given me a deeper appreciation of music - in analysing it, breaking it apart, re-arranging it, putting it back together... Delving right within the art form has allowed me to understand it better, better than I have ever.
So maybe I've been completely wrong in my hesitations. Or visual art and music are essentially different - visual art is a very solitary activity (in the way I practise it), whereas I've found music to be a more social, external outlet of creativity. The more I progress through my course, the more I feel at ease in aiming to make a career out of music.
The idea of potentially balancing art-making, a form of creativity, with a financially stable job, is extremely appealing.
I know there would be times I'd need to work like a mere craftsperson - possibly working with music I don't particularly enjoy, having deadlines, working all sorts of ridiculous hours... But at the bottom of it all, I'll be working with an art form - one that I love, that gives me great satisfaction, that sparks my mind and my spirit.
Music is a lively, interpersonal, poetic avenue, and it genuinely ignites in me huge delight at the prospect of possibly being a part of it someday, with people who, like me, care about music and revel in it as an art form. It's exciting to consider such a future profession! I can see myself being within the industry without compromising my passion, but instead, delighting it.